This is a weird mish mashy post of STUFF but yeah. Uni has just been utterly relentless this term (I had THREE essays due on the SAME day. gah) Anyhoo, I know I'll be done with this term soon, it'll be summer and I'll turn 20.
I can't believe in July I won't be a teenager anymore. I remember when people would tell me teenagehood is painful and ugly and I'd be like 'meh' but now I remember sitting in the bathroom, back against the door because the lock didn't work, and I'd be listening to The Smiths and intentionally making myself cry because it was really cathartic. like wow
Hmm. Just realising in hindsight how much the Smiths were involved in my adolescence. I remember I had to fight to use the lyrics to Asleep in my GCSE art project. My teacher wasn't that impressed but then I got an A so MUHAHAHA
I had had bits of this post in several drafts but never published it because I wasn't sure what to do with them. But then I saw Holly's post about British culture and I guess it kind of encouraged me. I didn't post them because, i dunno, there's like a certain aesthetic among a lot of blogs. Americana, pastels, drive ins and diners. And that's cool. I've found out about a lot of cool things. But then I look at this blog. It's url comes from a song by Donovan. It's title is a song by one of my favourite bands The Who.
I feel like its time to unleash something or at least explore. I got absorbed into this aesthetic because, I won't lie, I wanted to fit in. I guess it's kind of like that because post-war America was really prosperous and the UK was dead broke so the aesthetic was a lot grittier. But then all the things I'm into, the subcultures like Teddy Boys and Mods, are influenced by America. Teddy Boys: the hair. Mods: the collegiate fashion and soul music. So yeah, there's like a mish mash which has kind of creeped into my life. Here are my vibes which I've mostly been collecting on my tumblr
|This is an old pic before I cut my hair. Yeah I'm pudgy in the middle. Like a marshmallow. Marshmallows are cute and sweet. Ergo I am cute and sweet. FACT|
|This outfit was inspired by this album|
|Alison May by taschkaturnquist|
|Roseli Rocha Sad Girl - Dontneedagun|
I love Mods and will always feel connected to Mod culture, but it made me uncomfortable identifying as a Mod because I saw other Mods saying things like 'If you're a Mod, you can't like XYZ band or wear XYZ.' (also because of the real focus on consumerism these days)
Basically I felt that my love of Rock and Roll and heavier rock like Led Zeppelin clashed with the part of me that loved Rhythm and Blues and Northern Soul. I didn't want to give up the former to feel accepted by the people who listened to the latter.
But then I saw this:
And I realised I have an unhealthy obsession with constancy when it comes to personal style. I look around and I see others who have been punk for 30 years, or people have a a certain style that informs their everyday wear. I came to associate consistancy with authenticity and so the fact that I didn't have a recognisable aesthetic for my day to day look, or that sometimes I shifted in vibes and beliefs made me feel as if I couldn't be true to anything, or I didn't know who I was. It was that anxiety that made me start this blog in the first place.
But now I'm learning to understand that we can dictate our own aesthetics sometimes, build our own mythologies and live by them. At other times we can just let certain things roll over us and enjoy it in that moment. Vibes will come and go and that's not a negative thing. Change is not a negative thing. We should give ourselves permission to change. It just means we're being open to the world and what it has to offer and we should learn and have fun with it. Whatever sticks, sticks. If nothing does, well then I guess the ride will be fun.
hmm what a load of cheese! but still true
Have a nice week guys!
(Adam West Batman is awesome)
all images from tumblr