Friday, 25 July 2014

Who Is It? Who Is It? Who Is It? It's Me!

That isn't just an egotistical post title. It's from Sweet Charity which  is one of my favourite musical films. I've loved it since I was a little child. It's weird but since I've been learning about Feminism, revisiting my favourite films has been quite an experience. For instance, when I was a small child I can't believe I never realised how RACIST Thoroughly Modern Millie is!

I was thinking about Sweet Charity too. It does actually pass the Bechdel Test. I dunno. I hear people say oh it isn't a feminist movie because she seems so desperate for a man's love. I dunno. I think she's just human. She wants to be loved! It just takes her till the end of the film to realise she has to love herself and that she has family in the girls that she works with (I don't wanna give to much away).

See where Beyonce took Single Ladies dance from ^

But yeah. This is the film  that started 6 year old Aida's obsession with 1960s fashion. I was already a fan of the music thanks to my mum singing Beatles songs to me, and us not having cable tv so had to watch Top of the Pops 2 (which introduced me to Led Zeppelin!!). But this film, with its wardrobe designed by the legendary Edith Head, captivated me.

This is one of my favourite parts of the movie. you HAVE to watch it. The choreography (Bob Fosse of course!) is to die for and I love the dresses. They are so short. And the guys suits are so slim fitting. Gorgeous. I'm not going to lie. I know this dance off by heart. (ALSO, this is where Beyonce got the choreography for Get Me Bodied from! It's a tribute)

Hey Big Spender!

I got this dress from Asos I think. It's Pop Boutique. About a week later it went on sale!! It's lovely and makes me want to skip down the street but I'm deterred by the fact that last time I went to the supermarket in this dress, I was trying to collect some scratchcard winnings and the dude asked me for I.D. The legal age is 16! I turn twenty in two days! Still got the cash tho. So all's well that ends well.

The Rhythm of life is a powerful beat. Puts a tingle in your fingers and a tingle in your feet

I kind of wished people did walk around, maybe sort of high, giving people daisies and going 'LOOOOVE'. But then I realise that for half the year I live in Brighton, so if I haven't seen that yet I need to get out more.

Monday, 21 July 2014

One by one baby here they come


Been away for a while again but this time I've actually been doing stuff! I've been working for nearly two weeks on a zine. Even though I made a little Quentin Tarantino zine when it was his birthday, I would say this is my first proper zine.

It's a parody conspiracy theory magazine about handshakes between politicians (YES I AM A NERD!) and I'm working daily to get it done to a really good quality before the end of International Zine Month. Here's a little sneak peak of the zine:

Thanks for all the comments on my last rambling, written-with-anxiety, post. I've been writing almost every day now from shitty poems and comedy sketches, to short stories and this zine. When it's done it will probably be up here or on Etsy or something. It's kind of amazing. Something changed since the last post and the hunger to create and the anger at being afraid just made me get writing. Sometimes I'd literally stare at a blank document or a blank book and scream as I type or write. Yes, it sounds overly dramatic but I gotta do what I gotta do. Apologies to my neighbours.

It's been soooooo hot in London that there have been storms. There's a park literally 30 seconds from my house. Literally if I look outside my living room window the park is there. I should probably leave my laptop alone and go and breathe some fresh air. The closest I've got is taking OOTD photos in my balcony

West German Worker Jacket
Stray Cat Rock Tshirt - WeAdmire
Trousers - Urban Outfitters

Not to sound all self-helpy ( I actually love self help stuff) but I found this to be amazing.
Grab the broom of anger and drive off the beast of fear
Zora Neal Hurston                                        

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

My Veins are Blue and Connected and Every Single Bone in my Body's Electric

Hi. Even though I've finished uni for the year and I said I'd be blogging more regularly here I've found that I've been leaving long gaps between blogging here. It's not that I'm becoming disillusioned with blogging, not at all. I don't know what it is.
I wrote a draft about Meghan Trainor's 'All About the Bass' and then didn't post it because I was scared. Hmm. I know fear is a normal part of life but I hate that it stops me doing things like writing.

I want to write so much. Not just blogging, but articles, scripts, stories. But I just get so anxious because I feel like it needs to be perfect or what's the point. I keep telling myself that I should just write anyway and that if I don't practice how will I get better. As much as there's writers block and dry spells and lack of inspiration, writers write and that's that.  Sometimes I think oh, maybe I'm not a writer then.
But it's ALL I THINK ABOUT. I get annoyed sometimes because when I wake up the first thing I think about is writing but instead of getting up and getting a pen and paper, I read an interview about how to write. I read a Paris Review interview, (Joan Didion's The Art of Nonfiction is amazing, as is Kurt Vonnegut's The Art of Fiction) or I listen to a podcast with a writer, or read an essay or a zine ortrawl through the blog of someone else who is successful. It's inspiring but underneath there's a sense of feeling that everything has already been done or that everything I want to say has already been said. Or that I just don't even have the ability to do this.

Here's the thing about fear though. While I'm a perfectionist. While I have massive anxiety issues. While I have a paralysing fear of failure being scared reminds me how bad I want it, how hungry I am.

Immigrant girl on tumblr brought out a zine:

I like this zine. I do think I am hungry to create but maybe it's true that I'm not hungry enough. I repress the mistakes I make and try to obliterate them from my memory instead of analysing them to learn and grow from them. I've let fear fuck me around for so long. or rather I've fucked myself around for so long. I was too scared to join the writing society at my uni and now it has disbanded. aghhhhhhhhhh!
I'VE HAD ENOUGH! I'm gonna DO something. I need to not be afraid to fail, to make mistakes, to have people judge my work and help me grow. I don't say it enough, but the blogs that I read on here, you guys are amazing.

I have a little issue with the 'winning' though. I don't think you can 'win' at life. It's like Stephen Colbert says, life is an improvisation and you have to serve others as well as yourself and they will serve you too.  Bring each other up. Or actually, help each other to bring themselves up.

I also read Arabelle Sicardi's tumblr a lot too. She regularly gives straightforward, no-bullshit advice like: 'You're replaceable unless and until you prove otherwise'.

I'm not graduating until next year but I always watch American Commencement speeches. They're not as big of a deal in the UK and we definitely don't get as amazing speakers. These are my 2 of my favourites, Stephen Colbert at Northwestern is another which I referenced earlier. The first one is Conan O'Brien's Dartmouth one (2011) and the second is Shonda Rhimes' Dartmouth one from this year (2014). They are really good. I mean like really really good. (Jim Carrey's from this year was amazing too.)
They talk about dreaming vs doing, imposter syndrome, fear, failure, insecurity.

Here's a transcript of Shonda Rhimes and here's Conan's

There are loads of ways of saying 'practice makes perfect'. There's the 10,000 hours theory that states that it would take roughly 10,000 of practice to become good at something. But it's not just the time, it's the quality of practice. You could spend 10,000 hours writing shit and never learning from mistakes. You could spend 10,000 hours practising different songs on your guitar but still not understand the fundamentals of music theory which might make you a better player. You kind of have to even learn how to practice too.

In an interview, Ira Glass talks about 'The Gap' between the quality of the work you make as a beginner and your potential. You know what you're creating isn't that good because you have the 'taste' to see that but perhaps not the experience to reach the quality that you want. He says that it's experience that closes that gap.

Well, this was a disjointed post but I kind of had to force it out of me. I needed to pool all these things together into one space. There's so much more I could write here but that I need to think about, to mull over, and they will come out on this blog. I was going to say that this means my blog might start to look a little different but then I realised that's kind of a moot point because that's inevitable. I know my blog definitely doesn't look how it did when I started it last summer.

If you read all the way to the end of this, WOW, and thanks x

images from tumblr (Arabelle Sicardi's blog, immigrant girls)

Saturday, 21 June 2014

I'll Call You Up

Hey everyone, how's it going? This week has sort of been a lazy one but I'm excited to talk about Jaime Hernandez, an AMAZING artist whose work I am in love with. It's so beautiful, I really need to buy some and there is endless style inspiration too. These images are from Love and Rockets which was a collaboration between Hernandez and his brothers Gilbert and Mario.

So I guesss what I'm saying is I love the Hernandez brothers.  Fantagraphics, which also published Ghost World, wrote about how to read Love and Rockets. I'm in love with the pillbox hat thing in the second image. NEED. Also, here's a picture of Hernandez (right) with Daniel Clowes (middle).

I went out on I think it was Monday with a couple of friends I hadn't seen in ages. I met them in the West End and we walked around town going to the Japan Centre, and China Town before getting coffee at the Courtauld where one of them goes to uni. Oh yeah and the Courtauld gallery which is stunning. This week is probably going to be another lazy week where I think I might either begin binge-watching X Files or loads of film noir and neo-noir. Just filmmmmmmmmmms. It's great not having to do anything.

Blue West German 'worker' surplus jacket - thrifted from Camden
Always Hear The Same Shit - The Tuts
Checked Dress - H&M
Creepers - Underground

My t-shirt is by The Tuts, an all girl punk band who I went to see at Fem Rock in Brighton and I loveeeeeeeeeee. They're so so good, they toured with Kate Nash and they're gonna be at Glastonbury. I was talking to the drummer Bev who told me about that gig and ended up standing about 5 feet away from her at the gig and was too scared to say hi, haha. Ahhh but seriously though, they're amazing:

I'm leaving you with The Tuts <3

Friday, 13 June 2014

Boombox talkin' with a Southern accent

How do I even build a wardrobe??! Sometimes I'm wearing a simple outfit and I feel like 'noooooo, this is so boring!' and then I'm out and I see a statement piece and I'm like YES. GET IT! until I bring it home and I'm like Oh... I have absolutely nothing to wear with this. But I've decided that it will come naturally as I buy/swap clothes and everything. I just want it to be fun and not stress about it.

Anyway... how are you guys doing? I've been away for such a long time, but I had essays and exams. I've now finished my second year of uni and this time next year I'll be about to graduate. But now that I've finished for the summer I can catch up on the blogging. This blog is a year old now! Thank you for following me and putting up with my rambling nonsense. I've learnt so much this year. I've learned that it's a bad idea to start a brand new blog 2 days before you have an exam; I've learnt about my flaws and insecurities; I've learnt what I truly do enjoy and what I was convincing myself I enjoy but most importantly for me I've learned how to be genuinely interested in other people. I was so scared that I had to make others like me that I didn't take the time to get to know others. Reading you guys' blogs is amazing.

One thing I've also learned from blogging is that when you don't have much to say, an inspiration post is handy!! Nah but seriously, these are kind of the 'vibes' I've been feeling for a while. I guess you can tell that I've been watching quite a bit of TV and film. I watched Natural Born killers recently and loved it. The camera angles are trippy and it's written by Tarantino. Watching NBK means I have now watched e v e r y single film Tarantino has written and/or directed, including his first ever film My Best Friend's birthday. Half of it has been lost but I mean it's got QT as a rockabilly dude which is amazing. EDIT: I haven't watched Four Rooms which means I have one more film to see and then I would have seen everything, I think.

I talk about Tarantino a lot but his films and his writing really have had a profound effect on the way I see the world. I started therapy recently to try and help with my anxiety and social issues and I ended up talking about how I had internalised the aesthetic Tarantino presents in his films. The slightly odd people, amazing dialogue, the sense of an entire universe almost like ours... And I was projecting this onto the real world, onto myself, onto other people. I felt like every social interaction had to be amazing, (a reason I hate small talk) every day, even if it was seemingly mundane was actually hectic. Of course, life is not a Tarantino or a Wes Anderson movie, and my wish to have it be so meant I withdrew more and more into my imagination and I was no longer able to relate to others around me. But.... I'm working on it. Life doesn't have to be like a movie to be amazing.

Cyndi Lauper is never not relevant. I love the bottom left dress. I want to try and make a skirt like that but I doubt I have the sewing skills.

The last few months have been really stressful especially when it came to writing, It's tiring because I'm doing an English degree so I'm constantly reading and writing but not necessarily things I want to read and write, and then I dont get any time to read and write the things I do want. So I practice taking photos as a way of just, I don't know, having a hobby that isn't related to writing and reading. Just another creative outlet, I guess. I got these amazing sock suspenders as well which I am in love with and considering making my 'thing'. They are completely unnecessary. Most of the socks I have are designed to stay up by themselves. But that's what I like about having them. They are completely an accessory, completely superfluous, yet I intend to wear them almost daily now, as if part of a uniform.

Also, low-fi videos that looks like footage from 1999: Petra Collins - Pussy Power, Leslie and the Lys, Beck - Cellphone's dead ft a really young Lucia Ribisi 

Thanks for sticking around